It seems a college student from Michigan has accidently opened an email they received from their aunt. It is better just to go to the article written by The Onion. Thank god for The Onion.
Quality journalism is dying off and The Onion is one of the last outfits that can tell a story truthfully, and accurately.
I think I’d rather get v1@gr4 spam then be subjected to an email forward. At least the spam is funny…
…from The Onion
I know its been a few days since there have been any posts. I am sorry. I take full responsibility.
You see… my internet went down on Thursday night and I immediately called Comcast. After a couple of no shows my internet has just been fixed!
I would just like to take the time to thank Comcast for their great support and the quality service I received. In some countries internet is not even available so it is perfectly acceptable for them to be rude and unavailable to me. Thanks guys.
So, I now have internet again and will continue to post nonsense. Of course… there is still a lingering billing problem I’ve had for the last 5 months that is still unresolved. That’s OK though. I understand. Comcast is a cable and internet company, not an accounting firm!
… from My tortured life
I’m glad someone has come up with this. It’s like an eye shade only it plugs into your computer via USB to give you soothing eye-warmth. You are also easily able to control the temperature by using the on/off switch.
Just the other day I was complaining to my girlfriend about how my eyes were a bit chilly. She of course told me to put on a sweater because she was “soooo warm”.
… from GetUSB.info
As more and more people begin to use Microsoft’s Vista operating system more and more people are realizing that it sucks, and they want to move back. Web magazine, InfoWorld, agrees and has started the Save Windows XP petition.
I myself run Vista and have found that it is a pain in my ass. Doing simple things, that were perfected in 1992 — like moving files — are slow and painful.
Vista’s SP1 is in beta now and should be coming soon… any day now… any time guys. SP1 should fix most of the annoyances (we hope). According to Vista SP1’s details it will increase performance when copying and extracing files and get rid of that annoying 10 second delay when pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del to logon.
We don’t understand what the big deal is though. Windows XP was just becoming a secure, stable operating system — naturally it was time to move forward. If we didn’t we’d stagnate as a people. Anyways, everyone needs to just stop their bitching. Vista is a great OS once you disable those stupid User Account Controls (UAC), disable the Desktop Window Manager (DWM — the “wow”), and pretty much everything else that makes Vista act like Vista.
… from The INQUIRER
Microsoft let us know how all our lives really are in their hands again this weekend. It appers YACU (Yet another corrupt update) is making its rounds on Microsoft’s automatic update service. We figure after two or three more of these MS will begin testing the updates before they force them all upon us.
From the article:
Forum and bulletin boards are full of comments from users who are incandescent with rage after getting a mysterious error code 80073712.
… from The INQUIRER
Apparently some people have been complaining to the FCC about Comcast’s tendency to slow down certain individuals traffic. It seems the Comcast would use throttling on file sharing traffic, like BitTorrent, and slow your connection down to a crawl. This explains why our download of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians from Public Domain Torrents has been taking days.
… from The Inquirer
Sony has a record of trying to push their proprietary hardware on you (think memory card options in anything Sony). This is why I stopped buying Sony long ago. Now they want to kill USB on their products. Wireless USB that is. Sony is showing off a UWB-technology called TransferJet.
So what makes this Tech better? Nothing. It has less range and is about half the speed.
… from EverythingUSB
So you have the rims that still spin after you’ve stopped? Wow… those are sooo 2006.
Take a look at the PimpStar(s?). While the rims spin from driving they can display text, graphics, and any number of designs using a microprocessor and LEDs in each wheel. The LED technology is not new and has been used in countless other annoying items. Take a look at the video for a full demonstration.
The video is missing something though. The scene where he takes the picture, anyways. They forgot to show him pulling the flash card. Turn on his laptop. Import the picture. Resize. Crop. And then finally import the picture into the software provided by PimpStar.
Oh… and did we mention the rims start at $12,000. Don’t worry, that’s with tires.
… from Neatorama
When we were kids we used to admire Japan. The cool anime they produced, the robots, the way they surrendered after we dropped a couple little bombs on them.
But then we grew up. We realized that some of the anime is still cool, robots are a threat to all of us, and the war was over long before those bombs left the bomber.
Shame on you Japan for creating this mouse. It says, “I love you” every time you click the scroll wheel. We estimate that would be about twice before we smashed this thing into oblivion.
… from Akihabara News
Wow… the fact that this exists speaks volumes about where our priorities, as a society, are. There is absolutely no point to this. You and your significant other (we hope that’s who you’d go in on this with) both get one of these things and hook them up via USB to your computer. When you get to missing that special someone you press a button on this thing, it sends out a message to that other unit and here’s the kicker… their unit moos. I know, great idea. Do yourself a favor and don’t watch the video. We hate ourselves for watching it not once, but twice, to confirm information. The information? This thing sucks.
from … GetUSB